大學(xué)英語四級考試寫作典型例文精彩點評(一)

　　例4.(11分段)

　　In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold. First day when he came to school, we found that his eyes were red and his sound was rough. The second day, his cold was too bad that he couldn't go to school.

　　At that time, there was a serious ill called SARS in our country. It's just like badly cold and can infected others easily. But our classmates didn't go away from him. They seemed more close to him. Our classmates helped him to take back breakfast. Our teacher came to see him with his notes book. He helped him to study in order that he didn't drop behind my classmates' For he was my best friend, I just sat on his bed and do my best to comfort him.

　　Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very warm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. And not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were!

　　點評：本文切題，表達思想清楚，文字比較連貫, 但有一些語法錯誤。

　　具體問題剖析：全文有一些語法、語言錯誤，如"In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold."應(yīng)改為"In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold."(時態(tài));"First day when he came to school,"應(yīng)改為"The first day when he came to school,"(介詞遺漏);"his sound was rough."應(yīng)改為"his voice was rough."(用詞);"Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing."應(yīng)把but去掉(連詞); "It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult."應(yīng)改為"It told me that the love from true heart could help come across any difficulties."(時態(tài)、詞性錯誤);"We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family."應(yīng)改為"We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family."(詞性)。

　　例5.(14分段)

　　During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was immediately sent to hospital.

　　The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our government's publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessities while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly.

　　Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individual to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, "the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little." and I do believe that it's my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!

　　點評：本文切題，論證豐富生動，表達思想清楚，文字通順，連貫性較好�；�本上無大的語言錯誤，僅有個別小錯誤。

　　2003年9月六級考試作文題：

　　圖表作文，關(guān)于一個美國大學(xué)圖書館的圖書流動量(pop fiction, general nonfiction, science, art等)，給出他們的流動比例對比，說明原因，并說明你自己喜歡閱讀什么樣的書。

　　例1. (2分段)

　　此分段標準為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴重錯誤。

　　(為了不影響市容，給大家造成負面影響，故此處略去100字……)

　　例2.(5分段)

　　From the novel, we can see that the students like read(reading) novel, at the same time, only (a) small part of students like read(reading) science and art.

　　The reason to(for) this is novel is intereting(interesting), students like reading it. Most of the students read too much(many) major books when they have classes, so they want to read some(something) interesting (when) they have time. Novel can let them relax(relaxed). So they choose novel.

　　I like read(reading) novel, by reading it I know a lot of things, I also relax my brains. So I choose the novel.

　　點評：(1)基本切題。

　　(2)表達思想不清楚，連貫性差。

　　(3)有較多的嚴重語言錯誤。

　　(4)字數(shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。

　　例3.(8分段)

　　We can know from the picture that most of students like reading popular novel instead of reading science, poetry. From this we can know different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books.