2007年考研英語作文寫作三部曲

    關(guān)于擴展部分的寫作，很多寫作教材從寫技巧的方面有說明，什么舉例啦/比較啦/討論因果啦,……等等。當(dāng)然這些技巧是有用的,問題是什么時候來用，沒有一本教材告訴大家,這是做不到的。這樣一來，既使大家知道了這些技巧的說法，卻仍然不能寫出像樣的文章。其中有兩個可能重要原因:第一，引入段落中沒有主題陳述，造成擴展部分沒有依托，不知從哪里下筆；第二，有了一些想法，但卻不知道這些想法中哪里需要擴展。這只是我讀考生作文練習(xí)作品的推測，當(dāng)然也不排除在寫擴展部分有其他原因。
    其實，擴展部分的功能就是對引入部分中主題陳述的解釋說明，也就是將主題陳述中最關(guān)鍵的那一點寫清楚。如果那一點可以分為多個方面來說，那一般情況下擴展部就應(yīng)當(dāng)有相應(yīng)的幾個段落。如果要將這幾個方面放入一個段落來寫，那得有相當(dāng)高的語言、結(jié)構(gòu)能力才行，否則容易寫亂。
    對于擴展部分的寫作，首先要將主題陳述分方面、分小點，每一個小點應(yīng)是一個分觀點。然后對于這個分觀點中哪一部分是關(guān)鍵詞語（當(dāng)然有時候整個語句都重要），后續(xù)的句子就可是說明、釋義、突出意義等等策略使用，以寫作中舉例、因果、過程描述……技巧來體現(xiàn)。
    舉我上面對willingking第一段修改后的最后一句為起點（那一句是控制全篇的主題陳述）來說明。
    這一句是主題陳述。其中主要信息是the personal computer turns out to be a gadget murdering the time and energy of quite some people。而這一句中關(guān)鍵詞語是murdering time and energy而已。因此下文只須擴展這兩點即可，也就是讓讀者看，電腦如今是如何糟蹋相當(dāng)一部人的時間和精力的。
    那么文章的第二個自然段就應(yīng)當(dāng)圍繞第一個方面:murdering time來擴展；第三個自然段圍繞murdering energy來擴展。在考研中可以將這兩個自然段合而為一，不過要很好地使用過渡詞語，以表明這兩點之間的關(guān)系。
    當(dāng)然第二段的寫作，一般不會直接說the personal computer murders the time of those who indulge in it. 這里須要將murder換成consume，因為主題陳述中的murder原本就一個比喻的用法，這里還原本義。但是還原本義之后，卻不能體現(xiàn)作者的態(tài)度了，解決辦法是添加副詞來修飾，以表明作者的態(tài)度。順便說一句，形容詞、副詞不是隨便用的。用它們是為了準確表達，增強文章的表現(xiàn)力。這里可很簡單地加上worthlessly, 或uselessly，insignificantly …，但不能用meaninglessly。這樣第二段的開始句（主題句）便可輕易地寫出來了。The personal computer worthlessly consumes the time of those addicted to it./Those addicted to the personal
computer always spend worthlessly their time on it.
    有了主題句，后面就該圍繞這一主題句中consume worthlessly/spend worthlessly進行擴展，這個語詞可稱作這一段落的支配觀點。如何擴展呢？先來分析一下這個短語中到底含有什么：第一，consume/spend，耗費時間；第二，worthless，毫無價值，甚至有害。
    關(guān)于consume/spend的擴展現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)變化的很清晰了，只要寫出電腦耗了那些人大量的時間就可以了。至于怎樣表現(xiàn)大量時間不須我再說了，舉例就行了。
    然后擴展worthless，這里也很清晰了，只需寫出這些時間毫無回報，甚至有害，也是舉例就可以了。見下文。
    As is shown in the picture above, a hand is tightly glued to a computer mouse linked to a personal computer
by an
iron chain. Clearly, the iron chain stands for the control of the computer over the person who indulges himself in the
cyberspace. An implication from the picture can be figured out that the personal computer, a high-tech device originally created for saving time and energy so as to benefit humankind, ironically turns out to be a gadget
 murdering the time and energy of quite some people.

    The personal computer worthlessly consumes the time of those addicted to it. A survey shows the average time
spent on it of those addicted amounts to 16 hours a day. And the minimum continuous time spent on the computer
is 12 hours, while the maximum soars surprisingly to 168 hours-a whole week! Needlessly to say, the computer has eaten up their time for work,for sports and, worse still, their
precious time for rest-a natural activity for refreshment to keep the body functioning normally.
    The personal computer has also depleted their vigor. In the survey, almost all those computer freaks feel sluggish
 in their jobs. They have lost their interests in outdoor activities. Some even become so feeble that they sweat when
standing for a short while. It seems that they are being burned out by the high-tech monster.
    willingking的第三段析評:
    What should be done to cope with this severe phenomenon? In the first place, we must advertise more on this
subject by mass media, in order to keep folks informed of the harm of abusing computers. In the second place,an
education campaign must be launched, particularly among the get-use-to-computers young people. In the third place, the government should pass through relevant laws to limit on-line games. All in all, the whole society should try their best to solve this problem.

    【總體評語】

    第三段willinging總體上寫得不錯，提出了具體的解決辦法，呼應(yīng)了文章的一開始，沒有走題，不錯。問題在于辦法雖多，卻基本上沒有寫清楚為什么可以用這些辦法的理由。這樣一來，辦法的可信度、意義就大打折扣了。

    【技巧評語】

    還可以。但還是顯得欠靈活。其實，只需提出一種辦法，說清楚它的好處就可以了。另外，第一句像是湊字數(shù)；這一問是不必要的。另外最后一句并沒有能夠圍繞這一段中的前面三個辦法來總述，顯得大而無當(dāng)。這似乎也是很多初學(xué)英語寫作者的通病,喜歡大發(fā)感慨。

    【語言評語】

    羅嗦。第一句當(dāng)刪除。第二in the first place，可改為firstly； 后面的至少可改為we must inform them the harms from abusing computers by the mass media；所以第一句可以改成To solve the problem, we must inform them the harms of abusing computers. 后面的類似，不再贅言�？偟膩碚f，語言過于追求復(fù)雜，使得要點淹沒于眼花繚亂的詞語和句式之中。